You may have grown up like me. With your family going to church on sundays. Whether it’s because your mother sings in the choir or because she thinks the Almighty will help her with all her bad little children, her addictions, and her marriage, job, and self esteem too. You may have. Maybe not.
You may have grown up playing ball games with your brothers and stopping the fights between your sisters about who’s wearing whose clothes. You may have grown up loving to play and watch sports professionally played and keep a Vogue magazine next to your Atlantic magazine.
You may have grown up watching movies made for children, and later movies made for adults, and in the meantime found the ones made for the bedroom. You may have found the audacity to subscribe to Playboy magazine when you arrived in your very own first apartment.
I assure you, you may have grown up.
Now, I left out a few possibilities that may have been part of your life. I didn’t include the legal blindness you may have been born with. Left out the abuse you suffered at the hands of your parents. The violent and often taboo trauma you and your siblings put each other through in childhood. What your Uncle “Teddy” would do to you, or how he did it to someone else and you didn’t tell mom and dad…
I also left out stuff that might lead to confusion in today’s heightened homosexual atmosphere. Like the man who lived to put the trauma of being abused as a boy by the men in his “poor little life” in the past and decided that being “straight” was worth the investment of his pride.
Well, that little boy’s trauma is my own. It’s very confusing to have put the past behind you, and then have everyone pretend that the whole lifestyle is about rainbows.
I know gay men and women. Hardly are their lives skies full of goddamn rainbows.
I imagine the concept of the rainbow is to accept every color. I don’t know for sure.
But when support for a cause comes so easily to businesses, television shows, commercials, movies, ads in the newspaper, in magazines, on billboards, then public opinion actually shifts to make room for the new idea.
Children don’t have the same glasses on as adults do. But when the world is full of rainbows and children are walking out of the proverbial “closet” on television, with the amount of exposure they get on streaming services like YouTube, your son may wear dresses and heels before you or your “partner” have even figured out what his orientation was before the latest costume switch.
The world is so gay. If you want to become a girl and you feel like a girl but you’re a boy, now the public will support your transition. Want to be a boy, young lady? Be one and be proud.
Look, it’s ok to be gay. It’s ok to be anyone or anything you want to be.
But once you become what you want to be, don’t tell me to change who I am so you feel more comfortable. Not when it means I have to wrestle once again with the traumatic events of my poor little life.
We all emerge from trauma with different scars from the myriad range of events that exist to endanger our lives and our resolve to keep growing as individuals who own their choices.
With my past, I could have been gay too. I could solve the puzzle of what you call me by using pronouns and other LGBTQ+ terminology. I’d be bisexual(He, Him, His), But I don’t want to get fucked by phalluses, it’s been tried and I don’t open to anal. The list goes on; I hate the taste of dick, and I know some of you never knew this but I’m not coming out of the aforementioned closet here, you just didn’t know. Most of my male to male relationships have been either forced (I do mean rape here), unsuccessful, or too visually and physically disgusting.
If I ever became emotionally invested in a man, I’d still be bisexual. I refuse to commit to a man romantically, I’d get nothing done.
Women have been too good to me. And they’re so easy to fall in love with. I enjoy that. Their beauty still evokes poetry for her that I keep to myself- unless I know the b* well enough!
On another note, I don’t know how American football is going to handle their new openly gay player for the Raiders. That’s a tough sell. I wouldn’t say football is ruined yet. Give it some time and maybe the crowd will calm down about it. If they don’t cheer without knowing when to stop when the dude takes the field!
Conclusively, all my memories are bisexual. I’m not proud of it. But everything is not fucking rainbows, people. It’s been said that “pride comes before the fall”- but that’s the Bible, and just like LGBTQ+ support commercials, you don’t have to listen to it.