Kitten Back and Chillin

While everyone’s photos and memes out there are sooner or later to produce pictures of cute cats and adorable little kittens, we have a cat problem here in these Colorado suburbs.

Your cat video is likely to include a young kitten chasing a ball of yarn or sleeping next to your two year old. 

My cat video would be the last time I saw a black cat stare at me then pretend to walk away just before turning directly opposite from me and taking a shit in our yard.

There are three well known stray cats in these parts. One is a black female, known for her heat-wail. The other black cat is a male, known for sleeping under our trampoline and not giving enough of a fuck. The last well known stray around here is an expectantly dirty and heavily furred ginger cat. 

I’ve affectionately or not given them names.

“Bitch, Shut Up” can be a name if you give it a chance. You have to mean it and repeat it. 

I worry about that cat. She has no luck in her love life. I know very little about cat heat, but I suppose that’s how it goes; the less you’re in heat, the less everyone has to hear about it! Well the longer you suffer heat and you’re a cat who has to wail to the entire surrounding area that there’s available cat tail… if you only follow the sound of the screams I would make if I was dying… like “Bitch, Shut Up”.

That’s why I’ve named the cat “Bitch, Shut Up” instead of taking her to some animal shelter to be put down. Come to think of it, I’ve only seen the Bitch once!

“Yard-Shitter” needs to be put the fuck down. That one will make me call pest control in the long run. I think he was roaming with some fluffy haired white cat two nights ago “so he think he a player.” Which could also be his name. But it was so offensive the way he turned his back to me and shat in my fucking yard. It was a test! That mother fucker!

I was so sick that day I couldn’t effectively chase him out of the yard, then the asshole showed up in the backyard this morning, I stood up to face him and he struts under the deck.

That’s some masculine ass cat. Like, king of the hill, alpha male psychology. We have to get his shit out of our fucking yard! Am I obsessing? Fuck you Yard-Shitter!

“Hermione’s Cat”. I almost miss this cat, we haven’t seen it around in a while, it was here when I first moved in. Kept scaring my little sister who thought it was a fox.

I understand, you can’t be too trustful of cats who are led to the streets. I went to visit my grandmother one day and I hadn’t found out that she’d passed yet, but there was a cat sitting on her barbecue grill like nobody was concerned. I rang and rang on the doorbell but no answer. I thought she was just ignoring me again. 

I walk back the way I came a few paces, and there was the cat still sitting there with it’s leg raised, about to lick itself to full exposure.

Ps. Hermione Granger did have a cat. It’s name was Crookshanks. Mrs. Granger is a very complicated “Harry Potter” character.

Be Well

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